Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Frequently Asked Questions

Where do London escorts like to be kissed?

Start lovingly on her purse and then move SLOWLY to her hand bag.


What happens if I fall in love with a Caprice escort?

There is a common two step process to ensure a happy long term relationship with one our London escorts.

1.  Sell your house in a cash only sale

2.  Complete at least five successful bank robberies


I’m not very good at undoing bras. They scare the hell out of me. Any tips?

A good question, and a very common problem. We recommend one of the following:

On an outside date, gently rub her back up and down a tree while you are kissing her. Eventually the rough bark with tear through the bra material.

If at a hotel, call room service to bring up a pair of wire cutters for you, or, alternatively, if you are in a posh hotel, ask the concierge to undo the bra for you.

If none of these solutions fit your situation, simply ask the escort to undo it for you.


I get nervous. I REALLY get nervous. And too much alcohol can affect my little fella. Any tips?

The best way to handle this situation is to make your escort nervous too. If she is scared of heights, take her up the Shard or sit with her, casually dangling your feet over the edge a high window ledge. Is she scared of spiders? Show her your pet tarantula, Sam, who always travels with you. When you call, ask the Agency Caprice receptionist that you’d like to book a girl with a phobia, and that you’d liek to cruelly exploit that phobia.


My wife and I want to try a threesome. Any tips?

If you are having a threesome with one of our beautiful girls, we always recommend securing your wife in a downstairs room for safety so that you can enjoy your escort with out any annoying interruptions, snarky comments, or criticisms from your wife. Once you are drained of pleasure and your London escort has left, run a quick bath, pour yourself a celebratory brandy and watch Die Hard again. Later, release your wife and tell her all about it.


I work on a submarine. Can I please make a booking?

Here at Agency Caprice we are big fans of all underwater service men. So much so that we have appointed a special reservations agent to make sure your sub-aqua frolics are both discrete and pleasurable. A man who knows all of the girls inside and out, and which girls LOVE getting locked up with 200 or so sweaty men on a three month voyage off the Russian coast. His name is Vice Admiral Henderson-Smythe.


I work in Top Shop and can’t afford any of your girls, but I was wondering if I could..

Sorry to interrupt, but NO!


I volunteer at London Zoo and need help mucking out the giraffe enclosure.

We frequently send our sexy London girls up to help change the hippo water and do minor repairs to some of the primate enclosures, so let me ask to see if they would want to help clean up the giraffe.


They said no.


Hello. It’s me again. Would they come up and do a strip tease and sexy veterinarian role play with some of the grumpy older chimpanzees? It would make their day.

 Yes. Of course they would.



You’re welcome.


Any more questions?

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