Monday, July 18, 2016

The Scoties : The Best London Escort Awards Show

Last night at the prestigious Hotel La Swank in London’s West End, Agency Caprice held its bi annual, semi weekly, tri monthly awards show, “The Scorties,” hosted this year by Bradley Wiggins and keyboardist Rick Wakeman.

Presenting the awards were a several escort business celebrities - Detective Inspector Peter Wallace, Inland Revenue lead investigator Ruth Shrillingsworth, and Banking Fraud investigator Sidney Goldberg.


First up, one of the most hotly contested categories, Best London Escort Boobs

Emergency enhancement operations were taking place late into the early hours as girls frantically made last minute preparations to claim the Scortie. What did the judges prefer, natural or enhanced? A smaller B or a larger D? Lightly tattooed with a profound Chinese expression or void of all artwork, just as nature intended? The room hushed, and DI Wallace opened the envelope. It was Aysel! Aysel’s boobs had won! Accompanying them to the stage to collect the award was Aysel, who proudly walked behind her boobs, proud as punch and smiling happily.

The left boob thanked the right for “always being there for me” and the right thanked the left for her “continued support”.


Next up was Best London Escort Bum. Wiggins told the crowd that the Caprice girls’ dedication to the awards show meant that none of them had had anal sexy time for at least ONE FULL HOUR before the show started. A round of applause for their effort. A short video came onto the giant overhead screen of all of the nominee’s asses. More applause and cheering. Wakeman said that he had personally felt each ass to determine firmness and overall appeal. He went on to explain that he needed at least twenty squeezes per ass cheek to make his decision, to fits of laughter from the crowd. Inland Revenue Ruth read aloud the nominations:


And the winner of the Scortie was Adelly!!


Adelly ran onto the stage, her prewritten acceptance speech held by her clenched buttocks, and thanked everyone who over the years had pounded her rear to keep it as tight as it is now. Wakemen said he didn’t think it worked like that, and that surely the opposite was true  - and his cheeky observation was rewarded with even more laughter.


The next award was to be for the Best Open Minded London Escort. Adelly had hardly sat back down when she was back up on her feet to take her second award of the night!  Clearly her bum was an absolute crowd pleaser. She thanked her family and especially her father for his guidance over the years, and the room fell silent for a moment.


Best Elite London Escort - a few boos from some of the cheap London escorts rang out, no doubt envious that they could not be nominated for this high priced escort category.

The elite girls  sat on a table all by themselves, ordering expensive cocktails and showing off their designer jewelry bought for them by their loveless clients to the £200 and below girls. “Spend an extra hour in the gym,” they teased. “And get some work done on that face of yours.” Nobody laughed at that.


Fraud investigator Sidney Goldberg opened the envelope and, of course, there could only be one winner and she was the hot favourite going in – it was Lera! Lera had won! Sadly, the elite London escort winner was out on a booking and best boob runner up Elly stepped up to the stage to accept the Scortie on her behalf.



Best Deep Throat London Escort was the next category, and the DT girls huddled together, giggling and laughing with excitement. One girl pulled a bottle of Champagne out of her mouth and placed it in the middle of the table, ready to celebrate. DI Wallace told a quick story about one of the Caprice girls he arrested until he realized that she was able to deep throat. He spent the entire night in her cell with her before releasing her the next morning. “And the winner is….” Wallace opened the envelope. “is Alice!!”


The gorgeous Alice ran onstage and then dropped to her knees to make a quick thank you speech. Wallace stood as close to her as he dare.


More reporting coming soon.

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